Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
