im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize