i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
