His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
