She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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