He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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