she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
