you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
