my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
