I love black thongs
Can i not drive my cunt home
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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