Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
