it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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