when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
