I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
