he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
