He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
