From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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