U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
