Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
