Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
