Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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