If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
