i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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