So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize