I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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