Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
