She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
