R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
