Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
