If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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