You're so nebulous sometimes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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