I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
