we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
