There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
