I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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