Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
