You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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