he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
