You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize