I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
