saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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