Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
