So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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