you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
