I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
