I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
