i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
