I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
