i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
