We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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