This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
