You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm really busy with my period
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