I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
