I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
