The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
