God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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