Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
