What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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