so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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