it's not cheating when I paid for it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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