He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have demons in me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
