community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's blow job season.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
