I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
