I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
