did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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