I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
