He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
