don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
