It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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