SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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