I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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