I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need a beard to bite.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize