You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
