im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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