Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
