What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
