just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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