so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
