I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
