How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
