She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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