i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
