Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You are the jesus of drinking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
