I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize