I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
