Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
