and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
