just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think my moral compass just broke
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
