I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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