did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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