I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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