He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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