i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize