Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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