my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
