I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
