I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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