I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Vodka?
Forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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