I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
