Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
