It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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