ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize