Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
