on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
