so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
