why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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